Posts Tagged 'twitter'

Your tweet was over 140 characters. You’ll have to be more clever.

super long tweet

Remember back in the day when someone figured out that DMs weren’t restricted to 140 characters? That was cool. We got so crazy making long DMs and revealing the *secret* to people. We were so crazy back then.

Remember when lists were introduced? Man, that was going to eliminate some clutter. Arrange people by topics, go check out a list, get smart on a topic. That never happened, I’m still dumb on gardening.

Remember twitvid? During a summer vacation to Chicago, I thought that shit was going to be the future. I still like it, but nobody else does. Just like soccer.

REMEMBER WHEN @OPRAH JOINED TWITTER? AT FIRST I WAS ALL “WHAT DOES STEDMAN SEE IN HER?” BUT THEN I REALIZED, HARPO SPELLS OPRAH BACKWARDS AND ALL WAS FORGIVEN. SKNAHT HARPO!

Remember when you first met someone from twitter IRL? Hey kids, daddy’s going to meet the lady from twitter at a hotel bar. When mom gets home, try to make it sound less creepy. @BarbaraNixon you were my first! I’ll always remember.

Remember when you were the only one at work on twitter? You’d spend all day tweeting about non-work stuff. Personally, I never took part in that. Thought it was morally wrong.

Remember when Obama tweeted… then didn’t tweet… then did again? Guess it goes in four year cycles. Strange. Thanks for connecting with us Mr. President!

Remember those “Brittany Fucked” SPAM accounts? That was my first celebrity experience on twitter, I apologize if I boasted each time one followed. It made me feel special.

Remember when your wife used to bitch and moan because you were on twitter all fucking night and day? [points to garage] #silence

Remember summize? I bet they look back and wish they asked for more money.

Remember when you figured out how hashtags worked. #remembertwitter

Twitter, time to end the tool talk

This is the first post in a new weekly series that I’ve titled “Serious, time with Todd.” Not going for funny, or even cute. Just laying down thoughts that have been marinating for so long the meat has begun to rot. So enjoy, or piss off. Thanks for your time either way. But for those who enjoy, high five.

Twitter is a tool.

We’ve all heard this before on numerous occasions, and I’m sure we’re all in agreement. It’s a tool. We pick it up, hammer a few nails, put it down and move on to the next project.

Well, today, I call bullshit.

I don’t buy it. I’ve used tools. Some more proficiently than others, but never has a tool changed the way I think, the way I communicate, the way I feel about people. A tool has never created new friends, nor strengthened and elevated past connections.

I understand that by definition, a tool is something used in performing an operation. If you treat twitter as a task, you’ve already failed. For that misguided group of users the tool talk makes perfect sense. But for anyone who has ever connected on twitter with another person, you know that it’s less tool and more heart.

Calling twitter a tool is like calling the larynx a gadget. It’s an insult to psychology, anthropology and sociology. A slap to the face of communication as it attempts to evolve into something new. A belittlement intended to confuse and keep the world ignorant of the enormous opportunity that is here today. Tools can help shape the world, but only ideas and passion can change it. Give twitter your time and attention, and you’ll soon discover there is no tool, there is just us. The vocal chords become hidden deep within the throat, all that is seen is the moving of the mouth, all that is heard is the voice.

A few months ago, my son’s trombone was an instrument. Now it’s his voice. His passion flows through the metal tubing that once only collected spit from bursts of loud air. The instrument is only a tool while not in his hands. Once picked up, it becomes an extension of his body, it’s his voice, it’s his heart, it’s who he is. Music is more than just sound, it’s the artist’s soul. Twitter is that magical song, not the mechanical instrument.

Twitter is not the chisel, twitter is the vision deep within Michelangelo’s block of marble. A tool is a means to an end. The statue of David inspires long after the tool has been placed back in its dusty case. If the Renaissance had twitter, the tweets of Michelangelo would be studied and cherished. His twitter stream wouldn’t be seen as the chisel, but as the artist himself. A glimpse into the mind of the man. I’d love to know what Michelangelo had for lunch before finishing his last brush stroke in the Sistine Chapel. To get inside his mind would be a gift, a glimpse of brilliance no tool could provide.

Once “social” enters the tool business, things change forever. Twitter isn’t the hammer that built my house, twitter is the people who live within it. It is their memories, their events, their celebrations, their sorrows, their surprises.

A father who hands down a gun to a son doesn’t see the tool, he sees the story that lives within the well-worn barrel. The cheeks that have rested firmly on the stock. The eyes that have focused steadily on the bead. To call the family relic a tool is to devalue the people who’ve held it in their hands and in their hearts before you.

If you’ve made it through all this drivel and the metaphorical nonsense I’ve weaved, I salute you. Now here’s the mindfuck… the above rant was birthed 2+ years ago. Before twitter became a tool. Yes, I hate to say this, but twitter is now a tool.

Twitter has lost its way. Tom Watson wrote an excellent blog post that used the term “line-jumper” to describe what Twitter has done with its Promoted Trends. Faking a trend, getting it on the list without the aid of the community, jumping in line while others have to wait… THAT is bullshit. THAT is what makes a community question the value of the venue upon which they gather. Big business pissing on our playground, to me, signals the death of this once awesome communications movement.

What is all of this FAIL about? Money.

Twitter is about humans communicating with humans. The only business that will thrive on twitter is one that values mankind more than money. Those businesses are rare. You can’t fake compassion, at least not for long before someone cries foul. The only reason a for-profit joins twitter is to increase profits. If you find one that doesn’t value profits more than humans, you’ll soon find that it has been erased from the world, more than likely replaced by a company that does the exact same thing. only the valuing humans bit is a tad lower on their list.

I understand that twitter must someday make its own money, and is therefore stuck in the boat that I’ve just set afloat above. But stealing the fabric of the community to make a rug to wipe their feet on? Not cool.

When twitter becomes a marketing tool, it dies. The good news, we don’t need twitter. Twitter can be replaced with something new. Twitter’s killer feature is YOU. We are what makes twitter tick. When the avian flu strikes the twitter money tree, we won’t die, we’ll just fly away. To a new tree to build our nest, to chirp our songs, to spread our wings. Twitter may die, but our conversations and explorations will continue.

My suggestion to Twitter. Create a paid venue called Twitter Classic. Only allow users to join if they were on twitter pre-Oprah. Charge $20 a year. Or $140 for a lifetime membership. Create a “report spam” feature that gives the user credit for each verified act of spam to hit their stream. Credits can be used for future membership payments or given to charity. Don’t fuck with the formula that we crave, serve it to us with a smile and a thank you. Without us, there is no you. #RIPtwitter

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Clay Matthews, more than just great hair

The challenge issued by @claymatthews52 on twitter:

Our entry:

We won! Filmed a quick thank you for Mr. Matthews and Packer Nation!

The prize! My daughter’s first Packers game courtesy of @ClayMatthews52

Matthews didn’t play, Packers didn’t win, and I didn’t have a drop of beer all day. Yet it was the perfect day, one that we’ll always remember, all because Clay Matthews’ awesomeness can’t be contained to the field of play.

Best. Game. EVER. #gopackgo #52FTW!

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Internet + Refrigerator Art = Crazy Delicious

It all began on a lazy Sunday back in June. My daughter was quickly growing bored with summer vacation, a variety of boredom that a stack of art supplies couldn’t even cure. She was lacking inspiration… and the thought of another butterfly (#173/300) wasn’t helping.

One tweet later, problem solved:

“6yr old daughter is making fridge art. Tweet a request and we’ll take a pic and tweet a link, print out for your fridge if you like it!!!”

The request: I need a scary monster with “Keep Out” … my 3yo keeps invading and spilling. Juice last weekend. Eggs this weekend. /via @aaronjstreet

from @aaronjstreet

The request: Can she draw an owl that will scare squirrels and chipmunks from my yard? /via @epsteada

from @epsteada

The request: I would like some fridge art that says “The Beer is Daddy’s.” or something like that. Please, @iceboxart? /via @bpmore

from @bpmore

Now that school is starting up she’ll be busy and less bored, so your request might get the back burner. Plus, she wants to concentrate on sketching out current events and tackling the latest Internet memes with crayons. Double rainbow FTW!

How about giant squid attacking submarine? like in 20,000 leagues... /via @JackLeblond

An alien in some sort of outer space landscape. /via @PinkPeonies

A beagle! /via @TeecycleTim

If I send you a picture can you re-create it in your beautiful drawing style? /via @annmwhite

I'm particularly fond of rainbows. Or flowers. Or a rainbow with flowers. /via @LisaTetzloff

A banana with a top hat. /via @sethodell

See all the creations in the Project: Fridge Art set on Flickr.

Follow along on twitter: @iceboxart

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Toy Story 3 star left visibly shaken over promoted trend on twitter

When repeatedly questioned about the fake trend promoted on Twitter by Disney/Pixar, Sheriff Woody Pride finally put down the bottle cap and pulled his string:

-slurred- You’re my favorite deputy…totes!

Woody drinking tequila and holding a pistol

A distraught Woody, questioning his ability to trend on his own

While that was his only statement outside the tiny West Hollywood cantina, an unnamed source close to the situation had this to say:

Ever since we wrapped filming, Woody has been a little touch and go. He really took a dive when the series finale of LOST left him with more questions than answers. Pixar faking a trend on Twitter was the last toy in the box. This shit aint going to end with him on a horse riding off into the sunset.

Longtime supporter and past sponsor, Matthew Perry had one thing he wanted Woody to know:

I just want him to understand…sure we’ve had differences in the past, but he has a friend in me.

Woody fending off paparazzi

Woody fending off paparazzi outside the tiny cantina on Sunset Blvd

But seriously. What the fuck is up with “promoted” trends. Twitter, this shit don’t make sense:

Promoted Trends are a new advertising concept we began testing this week; they are an extension of our Promoted Tweets platform. Like Trending Topics, Promoted Trends are already trending on Twitter but haven’t yet made their way into the Trending Topics list.

Don’t get me wrong, back in the 80s I was a huge follower of fake trends. I wore a Coca-Cola polo and sported at least 3 Swatch watches nearly everyday of 7th grade. But to let corporations piss in the trending topics stream? Dearest Twitter, rethink this one… PLEASE. It’s enough to make us small people drink.*

*By drink, I mean drink more than usual. By small people, I mean everyone who doesn’t vacation with Carl-Henric Svanberg.

Follow other ramblings @tsand

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Do you follow Barack Obama on twitter?

I thought I did… but I was wrong.

If you are following @BarackObama you are not following the man who is the 44th President of the United States of America, but instead an organization run by the Democratic National Committee.

I blame Twitter for the confusion. They have verified an account run by Organizing for America (the DNC group behind @BarackObama) even though the account’s name and bio do not mention the organization. The bio has plenty of characters left to revise this oversight, may I suggest: “44th President of the United States – This account is currently being run by Organizing for America and the Democratic National Committee.”

According to Twitter’s Verified Account (BETA) page the big reason for verifying an account is:

To prevent identity confusion, Twitter is experimenting (beta testing) with a ‘Verified Account’ feature. We’re working to establish authenticity with people who deal with impersonation or identity confusion on a regular basis.

I feel that Twitter should ask the organization to update their bio with less misleading information, or simply remove the verified account status. To me, it seems that identity confusion is made even more confusing when Verified Accounts come into question.

Am I alone in this view, or just the only one stupid enough to bring it to light during tax season?

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UPDATE: Turns out the info is all there, just cleverly hidden in the background image. Full of FAIL for mobile devices, small browser windows and screen readers.

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Please note: I’m registered as an Independent, I watch neither Fox News nor MSNBC, I’d much rather watch LOST and Modern Family (two of the best shows on television). As an American, I honor the office, but not always the man sitting behind the desk. By following @BarackObama I thought I was declaring my support for America, not for an organization with political views that may differ from my own. I hope Organizing for America understands my concern and chooses to update their bio.

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Random tweet re: #olympics

Thanks for the RTs: mtlb, andrewcareaga, ijohnpederson and phil_beresford

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